Wellness & Wonder
It’s too warm for a fire, and yet all I want is to light one. Fire always evokes a sense of renewal and expectation in me. So tonight I simply want to watch the flames flicker and make space to breathe out the whole of this year. All of its changes, joys, surprises, pain, disappointment, wonder and healing.
Breathe it all out in order to take in all the moments that shaped more of who I am becoming. To hold onto them and let them weave into my bones. There has never been a year quite like this one. Intense not by the measure of pain but by how often I woke to a new invitation of change or adventure. Or to headlines that spoke of hate in real time, or the reality of being a woman piercing us all deeply – and calling all of us to rise, with it the unfolding of #metoo. It has been invitations to let in unexpected people who quickly changed and expanded the landscape of my world.
It was a year in which God asked me to trust – to lean into all the discomfort of the unknown and stay steady in the waiting. On the days where I was unsure of the next step or struggling to understand the purpose, I would find grace and support when I felt the weariest. Learning that you can carry both a weary but hopeful heart.
Though the beauty is that in some significant ways I had been prepared for the season I just experienced. The week that I moved from Nashville summer 2016, four very different friends or mentors shared a vision that God had given them for me in this new season. One that described a flowered plant that had overgrown the pot it had existed in, and that He had ripped it from the roots to re-plant. The plant was moved into a larger pot with significant more room – and as the roots tried to connect to the space, they would hit hard unexpected rock. The pressure would feel as though the roots might break – might die. Yet, if they continued to press through they would root deeply into new earth. The plant would grow taller than it knew possible, and not only would it blossom it would produce a fragrance so beautiful it would startle and draw others in.
The months that followed that descriptive visual felt as though my roots were dying. Unsure why it felt as though my life source had been taken away, I stayed committed to pressing through. To what, I was not sure but that is where my grit and perseverance come into play.
Pressing through the new hard ground looked like (trying to) stay steady in change, purpose, joy, and pain – mine and others. The days held a continual rhythm of the unexpected and an opportunity to uncover new depths of my heart.
It has been full of days that held:
Unexpected endings of life in a new city and job in Austin) + (and cutting off all my hair!)
The return and deep call to the work of justice (supporting efforts at Standing Rock, participating in a children’s march for refugees, praying with thousands for the end of slavery, attending the Justice Conference, and joining the team at IJM).
Celebrating the holiest new chapters of dear friends
Being present with my family as we walked through a cancer diagnosis, seasons of change, and making efforts of loving deeper
Holding days that were both heavy and light
Learning about and experiencing real wonder alongside the STORY team (magic is real!)
Discovering a book that changed everything: The Body Keeps The Score
Moving from/to 3 states, countless temporary homes, and finally into a literal dream house in Capitol Hill with one my best friends – and waking up daily not sure how I got so lucky
Daring to let someone close and feel the excitement, wonder and vulnerability of it all
Quiet – and honoring that part of me more than ever
Trusting my creativity and intuition as I put my hands to work at the most beautiful and complicated thing yet.
Reconnecting to a deep and important part of myself and being so excited about all that is coming to life
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Every year that I have begun with a word – an intention – I never know what it will lead to. Though there is always anticipation of what season may be ushering in. 2017 was my year of Wellness and Wonder – and it proved to be equally pursuing and experiencing both of those words. The word(s) often direct, call in and propel my year and it has become one of my most favorite adventures.
An intentional journey I am thankful I continue to take.
As we all encounter these next few days, may this Christmas be both peaceful and full of wonder for you and yours. If you need to rest in the quiet more than usual – I hope you do so. May you find a quiet space to reflect on the days just lived and understand how they have shaped, challenged and softened you. I’ll be waiting for the days I can light that fire and be preparing for the year ahead and all the unexpected things to come. (hoping it includes more days by the ocean!)
With deep love,