Honoring the life of our extraordinary Mary
She has been gone from here for 22 days, and the whole world feels inexplicably forever changed. While there is peace that she is no longer suffering and in pain, there is deep, deep sadness, one I don’t have words for yet, at the loss of her. Friends and family came around the country, and honored Mar in beautiful ways throughout her “funeral party” that she had asked for, which happened to fall on her 29th Birthday. I am forever so deeply grateful to the friends and family who showed up, poured out their time, care and love, and helped to create a day that reflected the beautiful - once in a lifetime - spirit and gift that was Mary. We were unable to livestream the service in Nashville and had a private Celebration of Life following the funeral on January 7 — and I wanted to share some of it here for those that could not be with us.
Below is the eulogy I wrote to honor the life of my baby sister…. those are all of the words I have for now. Also included is the incredible legacy video curated for the Celebration of Life by my dear friend, Anna Sarkisian. Feel free to share and honor her life <3
Celebration of Life Legacy Video
Eulogy for Mary
Where Your Song Begins Again;
Beloved,
I could not bear it if this blessing had ended with
The final beat of your heart,
If it left with the last breath that bore you away from here.
I could not stand the silence, the stillness where all once had been song,
Had been story, had been the cadenced liturgy of your life.
So, let it be that this blessing will abide in the pulse that moves us
From this moment to the next.
Let it be that you will breathe in us here bereft but beloved still.
Let it be that you will make your home in the chamber of our hearts
Where your story does not cease, where your words take flesh anew
Where your song begins again.
- Jan Richardson
Buddy,
The moment you were born, my seven year old soul felt your arrival, we even learned years later that the moons on our birthdays were exactly the same. Sitting in the hospital hallway near the delivery room, I felt the moment you took your first breath, quickly hearing your first cry, and feeling the world shift. Last Friday, I felt a much different, much harsher shift that brought me to my knees after you had left us.
From the day you were born I have loved you completely - and you, every day for our whole lives have loved me even more so. A love so pure - so true, it’s hard to articulate.
From the beginning you were big smiles, bigger poses, and extravagant love and had an even bigger love of Jesus.
Love of your sisters, of butter, of Cody and so deeply of Mom. Early on, you began moving through the world with dance, expressing yourself even before full hearing or language was possible to you at age 7. Your silent world dance parties were always something to behold – your freedom on display.
Your imaginary friends and angels were ever present though, and you lived all in, you didn’t know another way.
From the beginning, you saw each of us – your gift of knowing the true soul of a person, past their personality, behavior, intention, facade or harm – you knew who we all were. You knew who wasn’t to be allowed in your world, a few of those were my boyfriends - to which you made your feelings very, very, clear. But, goodness the ones you chose, you called all of us higher.
Your art of flirting began the moment you could hear with those fancy new hearing aids, and held no shame for flirting with my guy friends from the church pew every Sunday morning.
You cultivated your own trauma survival kit amidst our hardships – and I’ll never forget the way you used to find a corner, as a little girl, turn your hearing aids off and quiet the whole world while it seemingly just got louder.
Buddy, you were my “biggest fan” – cheering for me like only you could, deeming me a Rockstar after every dance performance on the high school football field and over the years added “great producer girl”, “great chef” and “best roommate”, to my list of many titles.
My Love,
The truth is that you were magic beyond words. You possessed the ability to live and love with reckless abandon, forgive and grieve all at once. No matter how painful circumstances or the world were to you, you remained steadfastly the truest and closest expression of Heaven, of God’s heart that feels possible this side of eternity.
You were profound, undefended love.
I will never forget the way you loved chocolate cake, diet coke, burlesque, worship, rainbows, dancing, art, a good cheeseburger, relaxing, special drinks, Cowboy, and what you called your “miracle life” in Nashville.
Baby Sister,
You have been my best buddy for nearly as long as I have memory, not nearly a day has ever passed where I have not thought of you. You and I always knew one day, when life happened, and the story shifted, you would one day come to be with me. But, it happened in a way none of us could have imagined, so much earlier, so much more sudden, the stroke that changed our mama’s whole life and subsequently yours – unfolding a path that has led us to the last 3 ½ years.
I will never forget how you survived it all, Mar. Your heart so broken, your world so displaced. Yet you healed. You healed whole and we healed each other.
Slowly, as a new life took shape, you mended with vibrant color, loving even deeper, laughing even louder, sharing all of your story, letting go of your trauma, finding flourishing and your great joy, declaring your agency and adulthood (many times through demands of diet coke or special drinks).
I will forever be grateful for the last three years of our lives together, weaving a deeper sisterhood, deeper love, our thousands of hours of life together etching into every part of our hearts, imprinted onto mine for all the days ahead without you here.
I will never forget your courage amidst great suffering, your unrelenting kindness in a world that did not often deserve you; your boldness, your sass, your extravagant joy for the most simple of things – a long morning cuddle, your favorite movie, dancing, a vacation, mail arriving at the house for you, your deep adoration of Sarah, your ever constant acknowledgement of Annie’s “hotness”, Julie’s “great nurse” energy and your deep deep love of Mom, of sparkles, the color pink and Julia Roberts.
My very broken heart will never not miss your small hand in mine, or you saying “I love you Buddy!” every night after I tucked you in, and then yelling it again after I left the room. For the way you loved me and for the way you taught me. You were my great teacher, Mar. My beloved sister, my closest friend,
Christmas Eve, when you held my face in your hands, then your hand to my heart and said “Buddy, you have to trust God. I am going to be okay, and I will always be in your heart. I only love you”, we both knew you were telling me goodbye, this time you needed me to hear you more than before. I hear you now.
A world without you seems unimaginable, and yet, I am so very very deeply aware of what an extraordinary gift you were/are to have had at all, and how grateful I am that you, my sweet sister, are no longer suffering.
I believe Jesus and I walked you home together the last few months, and I hope your arrival was met with the fullness of your dreams, a big deep, unlabored breath, and the greatest sense of ease you’ve ever felt.
I am so proud of you. You were so very brave.
You were our angel, my everyday magic, and I will never be the same without you
But, your love Mar, your light, your joy, has forever changed us all.
Rest in glory, rest in magic baby sister. I love you. Happy Birthday.
-Suz