What A Beautiful Surrender

“One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time” -Andre Gide

Passion + Idealism

When I was in my early to mid twenties so much of what fueled me was a sense of idealism and passion for a better world. Maybe a hint of desperation for a life filled with more joy. Even though I had come from a harder upbringing, I felt a deep sense of hope weave it’s way around me. It's that hope that propelled me into the adventure of worthy risks in the pursuit of my purpose or calling. 

The grit and healing it takes to surrender to the unknown — to trust that you’re being guided through every step turns out to require a lot more than you can anticipate. You, of course have free will.  Every time a new adventure beckoned I absolutely could have stayed put. Many times it’s what I wanted to do. But, that’s not surrender and I believe would have been a life half lived, without ever realizing my calling. 

Losing sight of the shore

Maybe it’s turning 30 or living in so many different cities or being part of several communities over the past decade — but my idealism has tempered to a place of stronger perseverance. The humility of failure, potential unmet expectations in response to the risk taken, and wonder encountered is the honest teacher of a maturing view of idealism. 

Now, I know more of what it costs to leave what makes me comfortable or feel safe. For someone afraid of heights I find myself jumping from metaphorically large heights often. (sometimes, I long for the mundane and simple and not so scary). Sometimes the risk of the jump makes sense and other times the purpose is elusive. 

Because of my relationship with God and deep trust in Him, I’ve walked blindly into new cities, laid down work I loved, left community I cherished and loved me deeply, faced my shame, shared my deepest pain and feelings, ventured into territory that proved harder than expected and been so far outside my comfort zone I don’t even remember what it felt like. Yet every time in surrender to the discomfort, the counter action has been the beautiful and unexpected healing and friendships that have met me. That is not to say there haven’t absolutely been some knock out drag out hard days full of tears in the midst. My counselor told me in this past season, "sometimes your greatest bliss and calling are in direct opposition of each other". (( ya'll that statement can be so very real)) 

Sweet Surrender

The thing about surrender + trust I’ve learned —  has so much less to do with how well you perform and so much more about how willing you are to say yes when it’s hard. To let go of your shame and fear and boldly stand at the shore and walk into the waves.  

Living in and by faith is a journey that tests your grit, trust, patience and need for control. It calls into question the motive behind your purpose/calling, what fuels and scares you. It reveals what brings you to life. What can knock you out of the whole thing entirely — learning the deep parts of who you are, knowledge that equips for greater acts of faith ahead.  It demands that you let go of pre conceived limitations or expectations so that greater purpose can find you. 

Perhaps for my life, the girl born into a mightily healthy dose of trauma and chaos — a life lived free would always be one of mighty trust. For nothing from my beginning taught me about childlike faith and wonder. It demanded independence and perseverance in order to survive to be even slightly left in tact. 

The beauty of healing is the trust and wonder that is restored, perhaps even learned for the first time. I believe It's wholeness and healing that enables surrender to what God may have for your life. 

Today, I pray that you lose your grip and get wildly uncomfortable for the things that call and compel you. Know that I am right there alongside of you, challenging myself to do the same. 

May we live a life of sweet surrender and may it lead us to live out our greatest calling or purpose. Whether that be making coffee as a barista, leading in the boardroom, running a ministry, nurturing your little ones, teaching or working on behalf of justice.